Voldie's Quest
by Diva-Elf
Summary: Voldemort has a potion made so that he can kill Harry. Written in colabration with The Plot Bunny Whisperer. HPPokemon slight crossover.


Voldie's Quest  
  
  
Warning: Extreme insanity abounds. If you wish to stay sane I suggest you leave now. If you continue reading, sanity loss is immanent.  
  
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Don't say we didn't warn you!   
  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter or any of the Pokemon characters. Unfortunately, that includes the little yellow rat.   
  
  
  
Author one: *in stars*   
Author two: //in double slashes//  
  
  
The dark lord Voldemort was sitting in his throne room. Peter Pettigrew (the worm) was trembling in the middle of the room. Voldemort was thinking how to kill his arch enemy, Harry Potter, while he was the most vulnerable.   
"Wormtail! You will make me a potion that will take me to Harry Potter," Voldemort said. Peter trembled a bit more.  
  
"But Master," Wormtail said, "If I make the potion I might accidentally kill you." But in reality, he was thinking, "Yes let me make a potion. Let me kill you so I can take over!" Voldemort put a hand to his chin and thought. Then a 20 watt candle appeared over his head. It was a candle because an evil wizard like Voldie doesn't use or need anything that is muggle made or has to do with muggles.   
  
"Fine, than go get that prisoner, What's-Her-Name," Voldemort ordered.  
  
"You mean Pheonixx my lord?" Wormtail said trembling worse and worse as each second passed.  
  
"Yes, her, bring her to me," Voldemort told him again. Regretting every second, Voldemort (As/N: Oops! We mean Wormtail) did what he was told. He left the throne room and made his way toward the dungeons. When he reached the cell holding Pheonixx he skidded to a stop to watch her. She was glaring and snarling and generally scaring the shit out of the wall, sitting Indian style on the floor, arms crossed. She was muttering to herself.  
  
"Stone floor, stone walls, stone ceiling, is there any thing here not made out of hardened minerals?" Wormtail cleared his throat and she turned her glare to him. If looks could kill, he would be dead, buried and half-eaten by maggots.   
  
"My master has need of you," he told her, opening the cell. She got up and brushed imaginary dirt off of her clothes. (Voldemort loved a clean and tidy lair.)   
  
As she walked past him she banged him against the wall as his presence was annoying her. Then, nose in the air, she stalked off to the thrown room. When she entered, she found Voldemort doing the macarena with Ravenclaw's ghost, the Grey Lady. She raised an eyebrow and cleared her throat. At once, he stopped dancing and returned to his throne.   
  
"Ah, Pheonixx. You will make me a potion, and you will like it," he ordered in his I'm-An-Evil-Bastard-And-I-Know-It voice.  
  
"I will make you a potion, but I will not like it," she said. Then she gathered a bunch of ingredients together and started to put them in at random in a giant caldron. Five explosions and a new lair later, the potion was finished.   
  
Voldemort drank the potion and was taken to the middle of a forest. It was bright and sunny so, naturally, Voldemort hated it. There was a stir from behind a bush and Voldemort turned around, his hand on his wand. Three people and a little yellow rat came out from behind the bush. One was a tall man that looked as though he was squinting. Then he opened his eyes wide and yelled:  
  
"Woo-hoo! I can see!" then he ran off in search of every pretty girl that he could ogle. Another had red hair pulled into a ponytail. She screamed and ran off and checked herself into a mental ward. The one that remained was a dark-haired, somewhat-naive boy. He had the little yellow rat on his head. The little yellow rat's cheeks started to spark at the authors for calling it a little yellow rat and would shock them if they didn't stop. Then Mewtwo appeared and said:  
  
"Ash Ketchem, this man is evil. Let me protect you." The boy responded,  
  
"Okay." Then Voldemort started to do the macarena. Then Ash and the little yellow rat (As/N: Oops! We mean Pikachu! ::Pikachu shocks the authors for calling him a little yellow rat; one continued to type while the other made an electric slinky:: //I am the Queen! You will obey me!// ::puts slinky around head:: *Shut up and let's get back to the story!* ::takes slinky away:: //Slinky...// ::Author One starts to think about hiding all Slinky's from Author Two that are in room:: ) started to do the macarena as well. Not wanting to be left out Mewtwo joined in and all of them were dancing the macarena. They danced the macarena years afterward. Voldemort forgot all about Harry Potter and why he wanted to kill him.  
  
As/N: //Slinky...// :: looks over into mini chest, sees a Koosh ball and picks it up:: //Koosh Ball!!!! You not take Koosh Ball!// ::holds onto it for dear life::   
  
*Oh, no.* ::puts head in hands and starts to think about how to get her Koosh Ball back from her insane cousin:: *Here Phee. Give me the Koosh Ball.* ::stares at her like she's an idiot::   
  
//I'm insane, not stupid.//   
  
*Be right back. I have to save my Koosh. While you are waiting please review the story. (If you have not gone insane reading it, that is.) Thanx! My Koosh!* ::gets up from computer and chases after cousin:: *That's not yours, that's MINE!!*   
  
//MY KOOSH!!!!!!//   
  
  
  
Epilogue  
  
  
Brock eventually married a Nurse Joy and an Officer Jenny. They have wild, passionate threesomes every night and are very happy. Both are pregnant.  
  
Misty eventually realized her worth- jack shit. She took her own life and the world was better for it.  
  
Pheonixx (Author 2) found out she was a long lost demon queen. She married Slinky (who turned out to be a demon playing tricks) and moved to the demon realm. They are currently King and Queen and are very happy.  
  
Diva (Author 1) eventually got over the loss of Slinky and married Koosh, who turned out to be the second cousin to Slinky's third aunt, twice removed. They moved to the Cha realm, where Diva is now Queen-to-be.  
  
Ash and Mewtwo made out like rabid bunnies and are very happy torturing Giovanni.  
  
Pikachu ran off with Meowth and they mated like wild rabbits in heat.  
  
Voldemort died dancing the macarena.  
  
Wormtail was killed during the third-and-a-half explosion.  
  
Harry got bored waiting for Voldemort to kill him, graduated from Hogwarts, and moved to Bermuda, where he is happily living on the hidden island it the Bermuda Triangle. Merlin sometimes visits him from the past.  
  
The End 


End file.
